You have taken,
You have stolen,
You have broken.
What have you given?
The lives of others,
The needs of others,
The desires of others.
But you do not give for the right.
You give to your mighty pedestal,
You give to those above you,
You give to take more.
Soon you will take no more,
You will Burn
And Freeze.
Crushed
By your own grandfather clock,
That you overfed
While others starved.
Your greedy eyes will burst,
Spilling out black blood.
The hands that you used unjustly,
Will break as you hold up the sky.
For you
Broke-
Stole-
Took-
Without ever giving back.
Now remember, the screams of your victims
And replicate them.
I recently started to read Mary Oliver and after reading Mary Oliver’s book of poems was inspired by a poem in Mary Oliver’s book Why I Wake Up Early, Arrowhead, a poem that is depicting a person that picks up an Arrowhead they find on the ground and takes it home with them. However at the end of the poem are the lines:
I would rather drink the wind,
I would rather eat mud and die
than steal as you steal,
than lie as you lie.
Said by a ghost looking over the scene. I thought it interesting how the person taking the Arrowhead thought nothing of it but through other’s perspective, it can be seen as a crime. I used this as inspiration to create a poem showing the perspective of a judge looking over the crimes committed by others, than after viewing the crimes condemning them to torture. The person that committed the crimes is put through the same things that they did to others and more, in a sense Karma.
Full poem
The Arrowhead
Mary Oliver
The arrowhead,
which I found beside the river,
was glittering and pointed.
I picked it up, and said,
“Now, it’s mine.”
I thought of showing it to friends.
I thought of putting it—such an imposing trinket—
in a little box, on my desk.
Halfway home, past the cut fields,
the old ghost
stood under the hickories.
“I would rather drink the wind,” he said,
“I would rather eat mud and die
than steal as you steal,
than lie as you lie.”
Featured Image- Mine
Dear Katie
I found your use of repetition in this poem to be very entrancing and I always find adding repetition makes it more intense to read. Your theme of Karma is very well established and the perspective of the judge was also interesting as many people don’t feel inclined to write about the person in a more lofty “pure” position so to speak. Keeping it shorter was a nice touch as well for it keeps it from dragging on when this is a piece which doesn’t need to be so long to get the theme of Karma across. All in all good job. I always like reading your poetry. =)
Sincerely Reegan
Dear Katie,
I enjoyed your approach of writing from a judge’s perspective and I could grasp the idea that you wanted to convey, as mentioned in your explication, “The person that committed the crimes is put through the same things that they did to others and more, in a sense Karma. ” I could also feel the weight and conviction of the words you wrote through your diction choices depicting cacophony. These specific lines had me in awe:
“You will Burn
And Freeze.
Crushed
By your own grandfather clock…
Your greedy eyes will burst,
Spilling out black blood.
The hands that you used unjustly,
Will break as you hold up the sky.”
“Now remember, the screams of your victims
And replicate them. ”
It’s amazing to see what you were able to emulate from Mary Oliver’s poem.
I have only a brief suggestion that you don’t need to capitalize every word when you go onto the next line unless it comes after a period or other punctuation that would be a complete stop because I felt that it interrupted the flow of the piece. Another writing choice I think could you could add is if “You” is capitalized throughout the entire piece to form a sense of unification and is clearly directed at a certain individual. As a reminder, these are just suggestions from my personal perspective that you don’t have to feel obligated to use entirely, and lastly, I really appreciate your writing so keep on doing it!
With Love, Faith
Wow, the emotion you were able to convey in this is amazing, good job. This is probably one of my favourite pieces from you so far; you kept it short, sweet, and to the point but still holding a lot of emotion behind it. The only thing I would ask for is if you could separate the lines into stanzas, it would make the poem easier to read by giving the reader a space to break. Other than that, this was great, keep up the great work 🙂
Dearest Katie,
I was in absolute awe after reading your poem, it was amazingly written and it held deep emotions that you did an excellent job of portraying! I especially loved how in the last bit of your poem, you were able to make the reader feel the harshness of the accusations being made. This is especially evident in the lines:
“For you
Broke-
Stole-
Took-
Without ever giving back.”
Simply amazing!
As mentioned before, perhaps you could consider breaking up this piece into stanzas in order to help your writing flow better. However, this is just an idea and if you did this intentionally than by all means keep it as it is.
Can’t wait to read more from you. Keep up the great work!
With love,
Natalie
Katie!!
Your use of repetition to enhance the emotions you were portraying was incredibly well done and honestly, I’m out of words because of what you wrote. Genuinely, this piece being written from the view of an outside made it more powerful, as I felt that it was like someone weighing judgement on the individual being commented on.
My only suggestion would be one that was mentioned above. I think that if you capitalized the You throughout the piece it would add a unifying effect that I think would only enhance what you wrote.
I love your writing so much!! Please keep sharing it!
Chloe